- To be healthier
- To be trendy
- To be initiative
But I realized at the end of the day none of those things matter. I don't really need any of those things on this list because when it boils down to it they will never satisfy. I don't need more skills, more clothes, more feelings, more wealth, more attention. I need Jesus.
And I need him desperately.
My soul yearns to be like Christ: holy, peaceful, patient, kind, compassionate, loving, joyful, faithful, trusting. I want to be like him...but everyday that I try, everyday of my life I fall miserably short of this goal. I tell myself "I need to be more like Jesus."
But in all reality God wants me to be me, just as I am, weaknesses and all. You see I'll never be Jesus, I'll only ever be me, Sophia. And that is exactly what brings most joy to the Lord. I feel his pleasure most, not when I'm trying to find ways to use my gifts, but rather when I am just sitting at home using my gifts out of simple joy.
Somehow...God loves me just as I am. He doesn't mind that I make mistakes over and over. He doesn't mind that I fail him. It doesn't make any sense to me either...so don't feel alone if this is confusing you. (It still confuses me 23 years later :)
God knows my heart and that I long to obey Him and bring Him the glory and my love. He loves me because I'm His. He doesn't expect me to be anything more or less than just His.
I want to accept myself the way the Lord does. He sees me the way I will be in Heaven some day. Jesus prays for me now that I might hear the voice of the Lord and walk in His ways, and He gives me the strength to do it. But when I mess up or fail big time, God doesn't mind because that's when Jesus steps in and says, "I've got her covered."
He's got you covered. His perfect life and death on the cross have covered you with the cleansing blood of Jesus. There are no catches, no tricks, and no secrets. You're covered. Free to live life as best you can with the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Romans 6:1-2 says, "Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?"
Know that we will all fail, but His grace abounds. God notices when you are doing your best to obey Him. His grace is not that we will continue living in sin because we know He will forgive us, but rather it is a promise that no matter how many times we slip up as we seek to obey Him His grace will be deeper still.
As I think about all the things I wish I were more of or sometimes feel I need to be, I am reminded that being me is quite enough because "me" is just what He loves most about me. :)
So let's let go of all these "Need to be/get/do"s and let's hold on to the One who will never let us go. He likes you as you are, flaws and all. You are perfect to Him. He loves you sweet friend. Don't ever forget that: You are loved, important, noticed, remembered, special, and heard.