Give something to me and I'll most likely give it right back whether it be compliments, encouragement, or a physical gift. I cannot seem to receive them.
This past week I was called out for this inability. He spoke kindly and gently, and it was then that I realized I'm not fooling anyone. I had a conscious awareness of this struggle of mine, but never in a million years did I think others could see it. It's that raw utterly vulnerable moment when you realize a deep wound in your side. You always knew you were hurt, but then someone points it out and says, "You need help."
My natural tendency has always been to reject help and rely upon myself. But may I just take a moment and praise the Lord for community? Praise the faithful God above for using his children to bring healing to children who deny their need! There is nothing so wonderful as someone speaking life and hope into your soul.
The relief of someone noticing your wound and caring enough to speak up about it is like salve to a throbbing wound. It was in that moment that my friend began to speak life into my fading heart. With his honest and sincere words, I saw that there was something more to me than what I saw in this season. There was more to me than the lies that weighed down my soul. I can finally say after a season of heaviness that my heart is overwhelmed with joy. Praise His holy name!
Why is it so easy for me to give and give and give, but when it comes to receiving I just can't seem to? The Lord has revealed to me the reasons, the secrets my heart sought to hide and stuff away. But a gentleman named Jesus won't let my hurt go uncured. He comes to fight for me when I am blind to my own imprisonment.
I tell him, "No, no. I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."
His eyes soften and he responds, "You may be ok with your pain, but I am not."
You see, He comes in with his soft healing hands and reveals to you His desires for you. He does not want his precious ones to be in pain, physical or emotional or any sort. God does not find the least bit of pleasure in your hurting or pain. He is for us, and when we settle for less than He intends, He is not ok with it. He is too good and paid too great a price for us to settle for less than He has for us.
That is why He comes and reveals to us the deeper roots of tendencies and habits. Things you knew shouldn't be so, but they are for some reason. We so easily accept things instead of seeking to understand why. We just say, "Well that's how I am," but deep down we know it's because of something deeper.
The enemy wants to blind us to what we need most so we won't ask for it. But I've had enough of that. I'm ready to ask God openly and humbly to give to me what I am in need of. And in my case, I need a great revelation of His love for me. Perhaps you need this as well? Or a revelation of His forgiveness, compassion, nearness, faithfulness? Whatever it may be, we could all use more understanding of how utterly good and loving He is. The most beautiful part of this process is that we can have it. All we have to do is ask.
Ask for revelation. Ask for more understanding. Ask Him to help you receive his love, compassion, grace, presence, faithfulness. He is faithful to give it to us even more abundantly than we imagined. He is too good brothers and sisters to give us any less. Ask more of Him. He cannot deny Himself.
Praying for you! Blessings sweet friends.
P.S. I'm currently in love with this music. This song is so profound and beautiful.